No-nonsense Olivia Pope is standing before me and she says
SO TELL ME — WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT.
And I proceed to write down my deepest, most honest dream.
I’m strapped for $$$, but I can’t bring myself to book non-nonstop flights.
I’m Feeling 22+
Recently, I’ve been meeting my latent fear of not having enough of a career to provide a good life for my future family.
When I’m sitting in the window-seat on a long bus ride, the only thing to do — other than failing to “nap” for more than 20 minutes — is stare down into the other cars.
Dozens, hundreds pass by, and I am able to get a glimpse into all those lives. Where is everyone rushing off to?
And also, why are there so many “luxury” cars — the BMWs, Mercedes, Audis…
I thought America has been going through tough economic times.
Maybe those brands are much more attainable here and now than in China during the 1990s — when I first heard about them, when owning any car was a huge deal. But those cars will always mean wealth and prosperity to me.
So how can so many families afford them?
What do the drivers all do for a living?
And what am I aiming for?
Is it just to be able to transport my family in a Benz?
I’m rolled into a ball under the comforters right now and boy is it comfy
For some reason the feeling of it transported me to the night before I would take a plane to the USA for the first time
That bed was so different. Hard - my back could feel the wood (but that’s how we all liked our beds then, I didn’t know of anything softer)
I remember feeling giddy. I’d been hearing good things about America for years.
night of most stressful dreams
let’s see what happened.
- couldn’t finish an article i had to write by 5 pm until midnight
- boyfriend became my editor
- “family” issues (within a family that’s a not my actual family) with unplanned pregnancies and impulsive baby adoptions
- one college classmate is trying to kill a lot of us in the class, personally chasing us down. i made multiple attempts to escape, but was found each time
argh, sleep. i want a refund!!!
For dinner tonight
I managed to eat:
- corn on a cob
new low or #minimalist?
For a long time I’ve been looking for a go-to answer to the question, “What do you do for fun?”
I usually say “reading” or “blogging”, which is not any less boring or true of an answer than “watching tv” or “hanging out with friends”.
But I realized I have a new and 100-percent real answer:
There is just not enough time in the day. And if there is any more than I usually get, I’d spend it on French and Korean…and hopefully one day, Swedish.
Clearly, my mind is still on going abroad.
In other news, I gotta keep learning Chinese - I am far from where I should be…
Scents, Memory, Subjectivity
When I walked through the halls of my new apartment building in DC for the first time, I thought: Wow, I love this smell. It smells just like the hotels and apartment I stayed in during that summer in China.
A few weeks later, my roommate’s boyfriend came to visit. He said as he walked through the same halls: Wow, such a strong smell of smoke — to which my roommate explained while gesturing to a neighbor’s door, Oh, these people here smoke.
It’s funny how nostalgia works.
Went to the second of the Nationals-Mets double-header today with my roommate, also my second baseball game ever.
Baseball is still not my favorite sport, but I was actually able to see a few plays tonight. Baby steps.
Trekked up the green line to a housewarming in an up & coming (read: kinda sketch) part of DC. While I was power-walking towards the party house alone, a bunch of thoughts came up. Among them: if I die, the story of the guy who’s the subject of my next article won’t be told…
In case it’s not obvious, I made it back alive and I don’t know under what kind of influence, but I’m currently making my first Uniqlo purchase online.
And that concludes another week of work.
Hello weekend! I foresee Trader Joe’s, church, dim sum, and maybe even yoga.
a working theory
i’m less likely to like a song that other people show me (whilst i’m preoccupied with something else) than when i discover the same song during periodic bouts of i-want-to-listen-music-so-let-me-put-on-Spotify-top-lists — and suddenly, every other popular song is so great.
conclusion for the time being: i only half-listen to what people tell me online/there is no accountability in gchat conversations.